Ask for help!

     Remember way back when, I said “do as I say and not as I do... “ well here’s another one of those stories. 🙂

     One of my greatest weaknesses is to bite off more than I can chew.  Then doubling down on my choice by being stubborn to the point of hurting myself.  I will not ask for help when I should, even though I know I should.  There are a thousand things I could have done better in my past, but I have to learn my lesson and become stronger!

     Last quarter, I bit off more than I could chew.  I took close to the maximum allowed course units including very challenging classes.  Some, like computer science, math, and physics, were going towards my major, while some were for potential minors.  One of those classes was the second year of Italian.  

     In high school, I loved learning Latin.  I visited Italy once to see Roman ruins and fell in love with both modern and ancient Rome.  Additionally, ever since I was little, I had a dream of being fluent in more than one spoken language.  I would gobble up books on Spanish, German, Italian, Latin, Japanese, even ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs.  I took the first year of Italian with very few problems.  I loved learning ASL and computer languages too.  My teachers were nice and supportive, but I rarely asked for help.  I struggled to ask for help.

     Last quarter, Italian 2 was much harder.  In Italian 1, we studied from books and spoke to each other (students and teachers) in class very slowly.  Italian 2 was much more intense and immersive in Italian culture.  I treated Italian the same as my other classes – I used the microphone, and sat near the front, but that was a mistake – I needed more help when listening to a new language.  My teacher showed uncaptioned YouTube videos in class.  My teacher assigned movies without subtitles to watch outside of class.  Everyone else learned in leaps and bounds, but I was struggling.  

     I told my teacher I could not watch videos without captioning – he understood, but there were no captioning for the YouTube videos, and we had no idea how to overcome that hurdle.  And I was frustrated because I was having a harder time hearing my peers.  Everyone spoke too fast for me.  I did not know how to ask for help.  Additionally, while trying to keep up with Italian, I was now struggling in my other classes.  Computer science was usually easy for me, but growing more difficult.  Math problem sets were often put off till the last minute because I was watching the Italian news segment for the umpteenth time.  I excel when I have something to read and follow.  I fail when I hear incomprehensible speech and need to back up more than once.

     I stuck with Italian 2 way longer than I should have.  At no point did it occur to me to ask my Office of Accessibility for help.  The office could have found a captioner for the YouTube videos, the office could find movies with working subtitles.  But how could I ask for help?  I was swamped with the maximum course load.  I was stubborn - I wanted to learn Italian like the other students, but in doing so I was putting more strain on my brain and neglecting my other classes.  When I finally did ask for help, it was too late.  I cried the night I dropped Italian.  I cried the day after.  I was so angry at myself for not asking for help.  I was angry at myself for being so stubborn.  I was angry at myself for not accomplishing the impossible, for not being superhuman and getting good marks in all my classes.

     However, my other classes soon begin to bloom.  I was no longer attached to Italian, and I could do my math problem sets with time to spare.  Computer science became my most enjoyable class.  Physics was understandable for once!  By cutting a class and giving my stubborn ego a good blow, I could excel again.  I asked for help in my other classes.  I learned from my mistakes.  My performance and understanding of my other subjects started an upward trajectory.  And I felt much better in the long run, not stretching my brain to the max.

     I still want to learn Italian, but I learned several lessons from this quarter.  The most important lesson is to ask for help not when I am about to have a mental breakdown, but earlier at the first sign of trouble.  Another equally good lesson is to not take the maximum allowable course work, to know how much I can actually swallow at once.

     P.S.  Because I survived this quarter with its ups and downs, I did reward myself by getting Harry Potter in Italian, and am currently reading it and continuing my study of Italian at my own pace.  Arrivederci!

Back to School!!!!!

     Hey everybody!  School started (hence the delay in August blog posting!)  Time to clean up the workspace for homework, dig out that backpack, make new friends, meet new teachers, and learn new things.  I know, everyone thinks I am crazy for loving school.  I am more enthusiastic about this new school year than most.  Maybe a little too enthusiastic...

     This year I am taking three AP classes and an Honors class in addition to Latin III, Pre-Calculus and Orchestra.  (I know, “What was I thinking?!!”)  I am optimistically hopeful that this year will go well.  Of course, even though I love school, it is so very, very hard, because I catch only about 60% of what teachers say and 40% of what students say every day.  With the FM microphone, I can catch infinitely more than I could with hearing aids alone, but it is not always enough.  It’s also not something I use with my friends during social situations, although maybe I should experiment with having them use it during down times.  Hmm…. Maybe I should try it in the cafeteria some time.  Now that I have thought of it, I think I will!

     In order to catch and understand everything that most everyone else hears naturally, I use a variety of techniques that I have learned over the years, which include not only the FM microphone, but classroom positions, schedules, notes, etc.  My techniques are listed in Table 1, along with pros and cons.  Everything is included in my IEP, and we talk to new teachers at the beginning of each school year about these techniques, some of which can be used to help others even if they don't have a hearing loss.  I’ve started to email these techniques, along with an audiogram showing my hearing loss that exists even with the hearing aids, the “Instructional Accommodations or Modifications” page of my IEP, and a short summary explaining my audiogram and accommodations to my future teachers in advance of the school year so they can think about how to provide the best access to the material and communications for me.  Last year a teacher rearranged the classroom for group discussions so I could read everyone’s lips.

     With all of these techniques and accommodations, I am able to understand more.  However, there are still some additional things that I could use to access communication, but for a variety of reasons I choose not to use them at this time, and they are listed in Table 2.  On the other hand these methods could work for you.  Keep in mind, that these techniques may or may not work depending on the circumstances and your preferences.  I hope that you or someone else you know can use some of these techniques to help not only in school, but with life in general.  I would love to hear what other accommodations you have found work for you, so I might try them and I can add them to the list for others to share. 

Table 1:  Techniques I use:

Technique	Pros	Cons	Other factors
FM Microphone	Small, direct feed to my hearing aids by wearer, either teacher or other students	Need to remember to charge, has to be turned on and off appropriately, overrides hearing aid microphones, sometimes static-y	My current microphone is not a true FM system anymore, but a streaming Bluetooth microphone
Preferential Seating	Enables me to lip-read, keeps me away from excess background noise	Can get tricky with group discussions	Need to consider if teacher is right handed or left handed when selecting seat
Note-taking help	Since you can’t lip read and write at the same time, teacher’s check my notes or provide a copy of notes to make sure I catch everything	I have to remember to check in with the teacher, which can be time-consuming	I could ask for a “Note-taker” but so far I'm managing on my own with teachers' help
Close Captioning for films	I have access to what the movie is communicating, helps other students too!	It can be tricky with old equipment or old videos, especially VHS tapes	With movies that are too old to have CC, my teachers have looked for a film synopsis or transcript to give me.  Be sure classroom has a newer TV
Minimize Group Projects or Number in a Group	Very difficult for me to communicate with more than one person at a time, so this makes it easier for me to participate	Sometimes it just isn’t possible due to lab equipment availability	I need to advocate for myself with group partners more
Extended time for Testing	Provides extra time to match grammatical endings	No cons come to mind about this one	I have a high-frequency hearing loss and don’t hear the “s” “ed” and other sounds that define speech, even with my hearing aids
Extended time for Homework (*I only use this once or twice a year)	Listening to people speak all day is exhausting, so sometimes I’m wiped out at the end of the day.  It gives me a chance to recover	If I don’t turn in my homework on time, it only delays the inevitable and creates a backlog of work	I work very hard to keep up with my peers

Table 2:  Techniques I do not use at this time:

Technique	Pros	Reason I’m not using
ASL Interpreters	Have real time visual communication	I’m not fluent in ASL
CART Interpretation	Have visual communication, with slight time delay	Technology is newer, and I’m managing on my own right now with the microphone alone
Cued Speech Interpreters	Helps with the grammatical endings I don’t hear	Not common in NM, would be difficult to find Interpreter and I’m not fluent in Cued Speech